Saturday, July 16, 2011

Buff and Tuff

Within the first ten thoughts that enter a woman's head when she becomes engaged, whether you're a minga or a super model, is "OMG! I've got to do (______) to look good before the wedding!". Don't blames it all on superficial whateverness- a wedding is a day where even the most bland woman imagines herself to be a rock star. In a way, every bride is; even in a recession, my photographer friend tells me that families rich and poor spend as much as they can on wedding photography. There isn't many times in anyone's life where there will be dozens of photos take of them within the span of a few hours. The photographer you hire might be good at flattering your flaws- but lord forbid Aunt Jemima stick her camera phone in your face and enthusiastically post the FIRST photo of your wedding on Facebook, making you look something like a cow stuffed in a white sausage lining.

We were engaged in the winter, and everyone's a little less toned and tanned then. Yes, I may have been a little worried- but it turns out that those worries have become superfluous. If we in anyway get this building close to what we hope for this wedding, I'm more worried about falling on the freaky muscle-builder side than the flabby. Every other Facebook advert on my page has been something like "loose 20 lbs fast!" or "look good for the big day with this one simple tip!".

Yeah. I've got a tip for you:

Hand mix and pour 350 sq ft of concrete in the blistering sun.

Or, how about this one:

Tear down an entire rooms worth of 1930's drywall ceiling with nothing but a hoe and your will power.


walk up and down 40 flights of stairs everyday

work 14 hours a day

strip paint off of a 600 sq ft wood floor

...and then strip the paint off of another 600 sq ft room floor.

Or, all of the above!

If you don't sweat off that 20lbs, I'd be surprise. I've lost seven pounds since February, which isn't uncommon for winter to summer around here, and I wouldn't be surprised to loose some more- and gain it back in muscle before September.

Hiring security for Saturday is going to be a convenience thing at this point; I'm pretty sure by September I'll be able to kick any rowdy drunk's a$$.

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